The Kingdom Within

"The Kingdom Within" is a book that I am currently reading. It was recommended to me, by someone that I am not very close to but oddly enough, it is exactly what I need to be reading now. One of my favorite lines to throw out is that I am too stupid to know what I need, so God drops it into my lap. This is one of those cases where through a series of random events, I am now reading this book.

The book focuses on the internal struggles of finding God's kingdom in your inner reality. As I read, I realize that an active struggle would be a progressive step from my passive resistance to self-searching and intimacy with God and his plan for me. I am a procrastinator. Fear, laziness...I am not sure. But I am sure that I am resistant to the quiet and peace that would still my heart enough to hear Him speaking to me.

So, here I am in this foreign place. A place that I never imagined I would end up in all my wildest thoughts. All of the excuses that I have used in the past to avoid going deeper within have been removed...career, motherhood, family, friends, etc. Even my husband is absent for the next two weeks. I have decided to use these two weeks of solitude to embark on that inner journey. Spiritual disciplines such as fasting, prayer, meditation and study will fill my next two weeks. Not to say that I am going to be a recluse. I have already agreed to join a Dragon Boat team next Sunday representing the English Speaking Cancer Society in a competition. This is a stretch for me since I have never done any paddling, save the occasional canoe ride on the Neches River. I am just saying that for the next two weeks, I will be more conscious of listening for the inner voice of God and discerning what His will is for me in this life.

Pray for me. I am a reluctant follower.