Relationships

Relationships are really what it is all about. The rest is peripheral! When you are transplanted so far away, it becomes obvious what we take for granted. In my short stay here (5 1/2 months) I have been back to the US twice already and have two more flights booked...Thanksgiving and Christmas. On my last trip back, I booked a dinner with a dear friend and she remarked, "I see you more now than I did when you lived here." It was true. Before, I suppose I assumed that I could see her anytime. Now, I have to prioritize my time, and I realized that she is a dear friend that I would love to spend more time with. I was also reminded that relationships are complicated! Over the years I have chosen friends, developed relationships with different levels of intimacy and never had to think much about interactions with one to another...for the most part. There is always the occasional spat that leaves you wondering if you should invite 'those two people' to the same gathering. But for the most part, things go along with a little weeding here and a little watering there. Group dynamics are so....dynamic! If there is one thing that has occurred to me since I have been dropped into a new group of ladies here, it is that I don't miss junior high! That insecure need for attention and the desire to be liked by the popular people and the oversensitivity to every perceived slight is maddening. I get it. I just don't like it. I didn't like it in junior high either, but I thought it was because I wasn't very popular. Now I realize it is really because it is just useless angst. It is exhausting and almost impossible to not get caught up in. It is definitely an opportunity to practice boundaries. The relationships with families are challenging too. How do you maintain a connection with loved ones? Email, Skype, phone, Facebook, snail mail...? How about those that don't do technology? I play Scrabble with one of my sons over our i-phones. We don't send each other messages alot, which you can do, we just send each other words back and forth. My aunt doesn't get on the Internet, and won't pick up the phone when I call because the number looks funny. There are a few family members that I didn't keep in good touch with anyway, but now it just seems more obvious. I guess there was the possibility before, now there really isn't. The little ones are probably the hardest. My nephew is 7, so he and I are okay, I mean I can talk to him on Skype and he already knows me well, and loves me. But I don't get to watch his games or babysit or have him over to my house. My niece is only 1. She doesn't know me and she is growing so fast that I miss some milestone everyday. Of course, there is my husband. This was actually the relationship that I was most concerned about because it is our first time to live together. It feels mostly like a honeymoon right now. You know how they say that the first year is the hardest...well we hit a really rough spot awhile back. It is good now. I am not saying that we have ironed out everything. We will probably still be negotiating when we both have one foot in the grave. But I can safely say that after living alone for 15 years, it is nice to have a man around. You get kind of use to it.

The Struggle

I have a new admiration for people who have no children and no job, yet wake up everyday and get dressed and remain productive. I have always had circumstances in my life that required that I get up and get moving. There is comfort and a sense of purpose and accomplishment in that, even if it's just getting kids fed, dressed and hugged that day.
This is all so different for me. I have been a housewife before, but never without being enrolled in school or being enrolled in full-time motherhood. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty to do! I have had a lunch and a dinner with other Noble wives. We have been to dinners and had people to our home. I have participated at some things going on at the church. I went to the Welcome Coffee for the American International Women's Club of Geneva. (They have hiking groups, skiing groups, cooking classes, French classes, book studies, etc.) And there is plenty still to do in the house. Even though we are unpacked and the apartment is looking fairly together, there are still cabinets that need to be sorted through, pictures that need to be hung and boxes of pictures and mementos that need to go into scrapbooks.
The problem is more of urgency. Nothing is urgent. Everything can wait. A non-urgent activity is not the sort of thing I am good at tackling unless I find it extremely entertaining. (I have been known to spend hours on the joys of Spider Solitaire!) Once at a workshop, we had to draw a diagram with four quadrants...X axis being urgent and non-urgent activities and Y axis being important and non-important activities. These days it seems as if I am spending most of my time in the non-important/non-urgent quadrant. I either need to set up some things for myself that feel more urgent or I need to discipline myself enough to spend more time in the non-urgent/important quadrant...exercise, French lessons, bible study...
Motivation comes in spurts. I will occasionally get up and tackle something and think, "The cloud has lifted." Then to celebrate, I drink a glass of wine and depress myself back into the couch and play on the computer or read fiction. Writing this blog right now is in itself an act of avoidance. Hopefully though, as writing can sometimes do, it will transform into action that moves me out of this struggle to get living.
God has blessed me with a wonderful opportunity and has a plan for me here in Geneva. I just feel like Jacob wrestling with God! I want to wake up one morning and find that the struggle is over and go on my way, even if I am limping! I know I won't remain in this struggle forever. I am not wired like that. I will, out of emotional necessity, create opportunities for myself and build a new life here that will feel full of purpose and meaning. AMEN.

The Kingdom Within

"The Kingdom Within" is a book that I am currently reading. It was recommended to me, by someone that I am not very close to but oddly enough, it is exactly what I need to be reading now. One of my favorite lines to throw out is that I am too stupid to know what I need, so God drops it into my lap. This is one of those cases where through a series of random events, I am now reading this book.

The book focuses on the internal struggles of finding God's kingdom in your inner reality. As I read, I realize that an active struggle would be a progressive step from my passive resistance to self-searching and intimacy with God and his plan for me. I am a procrastinator. Fear, laziness...I am not sure. But I am sure that I am resistant to the quiet and peace that would still my heart enough to hear Him speaking to me.

So, here I am in this foreign place. A place that I never imagined I would end up in all my wildest thoughts. All of the excuses that I have used in the past to avoid going deeper within have been removed...career, motherhood, family, friends, etc. Even my husband is absent for the next two weeks. I have decided to use these two weeks of solitude to embark on that inner journey. Spiritual disciplines such as fasting, prayer, meditation and study will fill my next two weeks. Not to say that I am going to be a recluse. I have already agreed to join a Dragon Boat team next Sunday representing the English Speaking Cancer Society in a competition. This is a stretch for me since I have never done any paddling, save the occasional canoe ride on the Neches River. I am just saying that for the next two weeks, I will be more conscious of listening for the inner voice of God and discerning what His will is for me in this life.

Pray for me. I am a reluctant follower.

Transportation

In Texas, there is really only one practical way to get around...by automobile. You can drive a scooter or motorcycle, but heat, inclement weather and long highways make this impractical for your sole means of transportation. Basically, if you don't own an automobile, you are underage or indigent!

I am unsure what the statistics are on car ownership in Geneva, but it is obvious to me that owning a car is more of a hassle than it is worth sometimes. They are very expensive. Gas is outrageous by American standards. My husband had the oil changed and it cost 300CHF. (A Swiss Franc is just slightly cheaper than a USD.) Parking, especially if you live downtown is a huge issue. We rent 2 spaces at the Kempinski Hotel, which is a block away, for about 420 CHF each, per month. You must own two sets of tires, summer and winter. And if you don't have space to store them in your apartment, you can pay the garage to store them, as well as change them twice a year. If you want to travel out of the city and get onto the highway, you need to pay a highway tax and put a sticker on your car. Highways are "highways," not "freeways." Toll booths come too often and are pricey. There are many other expenses and inconveniences, I am just elaborating my point.

Cars are also much smaller here. You have all seen the adorable Smart cars running around in the US. They have tons of them here, and believe it or not, they are not the smallest cars here. I have seen golf carts bigger than some of the cars here. I have seen a few cars with ONE seat. There are scores of motorcycles and motorized scooters. There is lots of equipment for these designed to protect a person from rain and cold that I haven't seen before.

So, you may have asked yourself, "how do these Swiss people get around?" Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of cars. But living downtown, it is by far much easier to use public transportation. There is an extensive network of trams, buses and trains. To get to my husband's office, for example, I can catch the #1 bus to the train station and get on the #5 bus and it will drop me off in front of the office, all under 20 minutes. (It is also about a 20 minute walk.) You can also take the #5 going the opposite direction towards the airport and be there in 25 minutes. (It takes just as long or longer in a taxi.) If you take the train to the airport, I believe it gets you there in 7 minutes, but I haven't actually done that yet. You can catch a train and be in Paris or Milan or Zurich in about three hours (give or take.)

Aside from public transportation, people are very creative in their ways of ambulating. Walking is always an option. There are bicycles, skateboards, rollerblades, segways and scooters (not the motorized ones, the ones that you push with one foot - yes, I have seen old ladies and men in suits riding scooters, skateboards and the like.)

For me, I like walking or taking the public transportation. My bike just arrived with my belongings, but I still need to go pay my "bike tax" and get a sticker. My car pretty much stays at the Kempinski unless I decide to drive to Chamonix or Nyon, or Yvoire. But then when I get to where I am going, there is always the problem of parking!

Bora Bora

Wow! What a great vacation! Although I am not a watcher of "The Bachelorette," my son informed me that the show was recently set in the very hotel that we stayed in during our time there. (His girlfriend is an avid watcher) I can understand why it is a prime destination for young couples interested in romance. It is certainly great for older couples interested in the same thing! They greet you at the airport and the hotel with perfumey flower leis and ukulele players. The water varies in the most gorgeous shades of blue that you have ever seen. The sun shines brightly most of the time, but there is rarely a place where you can't find shade and a cool breeze to make you feel at peace. It is paradise!



We planned some wonderful excursions. We scuba dived, para sailed, went off-shore fishing, sailing, snorkeling and the boys skied and wake boarded.

My husband and I have scuba dived before, or I should say, we attempted to before. We had a scuba excursion on a cruise we took once. While I did...okay, my husband was having some sinus issues that triggered some breathing problems and panic during our attempt to dive. We ended up quitting early and just enjoying the sights. This time was different. I was the one with the issues! Both of my boys took off like fish on their first scuba experience, and my husband had no issues this time either. Me, on the other hand, well I told the instructor after my first few attempts to adjusting to breathing out of my mouth only, that I would just stay on the top and look at the fish up there while the others dived. The instructor was a young, tall, skinny, pale, Frenchman with very long dreadlocks piled on top of his head. "Don't be silly! Of course you are going diving with your family," he says matter-of-factly in his French accent. He took the three others down with him while the other instructor coaxed me down with lots of helpful encouragement and determination. I eventually got over my anxiety and had a wonderful dive. It was fascinating to see the fish and sea-urchins and starfish and other see creatures. Mostly I enjoyed watching the boys chest-bumping and high-fiving at things they saw just as if they were on dry land.


An unfortunate side effect of diving was that due to the pressure, some congestion that I was dealing with was forced into my inner ear. That afternoon, when we returned to the hotel, I thought that a decongestant or something might help. My husband went to the gift shop and discovered that they didn't sell so much as an aspirin. He went to the desk and inquired. They manager informed him that they couldn't provide any type of drug, even if it was over-the-counter. We could catch the water taxi in the morning to the main island of Bora Bora and there was a store there that sold over-the-counter medicine. Also, she informed him, the only hospital was on the main island of Tahiti. It got my mind wandering....

The island of Bora Bora is just one of many tiny Tahitian islands. Actually, Bora Bora isn't even really ONE island as you can tell in the previous picture. We flew from LA to the main island of Tahiti on a very large plane. Then, we boarded a small plane and flew 45 minutes to Bora Bora. Then we boarded a boat owned by the Hilton to take us out to a smaller, remote island of Bora Bora. So the only way off the island was by boat. What would happen if there was a serious medical emergency? In a place where about a dozen five-star hotels are located, you take for granted things like safety and accessibility to public services.


Fortunately, we never encountered any problems, even though I am still trying to get my inner ear to dry out. But on the plane ride home, I was reading the Air Tahiti Nui magazine about their latest initiative. Apparently, they are trying to provide regular flights to more and more of the small islands, even though the planes will operate at a loss on these flights. It is a public service to provide the locals with access to public services and transportation. Their road blocks are not just cost, but lack of internet connection for booking flights on these remote islands, and the problem of runway space, even for the tiny prop planes they use.


Paradise...remote, poor, and quite beautiful!

Peach Versus Coconut

I am a peach! Some that know me may agree, and some may disagree, but according to a book that I am reading, Beyond Chocolate: Understanding Swiss Culture, I come from a peach culture. You see, the peach is soft and sweet on the outside, with a tough center that is harder to penetrate. From a psychological perspective, the book explains, peach people are very outwardly friendly, calling each other by first names, chatting with strangers, making personal comments or asking personal questions, offering help or assistance without being asked to do so, and just generally more open...to a point. The hard pit on the inside is the private side of us that is reserved for the more intimate relationships with close friends and family.

Apparently the Swiss are more like coconuts. The tougher boundary is on the outside. They address each other by last names, while polite, they are not exactly friendly, they avoid personal comments or questions and feel that if you chit-chat, it is insincere. They will not assist you, even if you appear to be struggling, unless you ask for assistance. (I have seen this, it's true.) Even if you work in the same office with someone, you are their 'colleague,' not their friend. Once the outer surface has been penetrated, and you make it to 'friend' status, they are warm, loyal, life-long friends in which the relationship never needs to be questioned.

These are just generalizations, of course. There are peaches and coconuts everywhere, and plenty of hybrids. But, as a culture, I can feel the truth of this analogy as I try to build a new life here. How does a peach make it in a world full of coconuts. As I encounter coconuts on a day to day basis will my soft flesh become bruised and battered until there is nothing left but a hard pit with some faint remnants of a sweeter life? Will my thin skin toughen up enough to survive the rough exterior of the coconuts? Will I try to become a coconut, rejecting the genetics of my culture? Will I find other peaches or hybrids that are easier to rub up against? I wonder. With Geneva being, by conservative estimates, 40% foreigners, maybe we could just make a nice fruit salad. I just hope I am not the nut that suprises you when you take a bite.

Pictures

I am experimenting with adding pictures to my blog to make it more interesting. Bear with the old woman while she attempts to use modern technology!

The first picture is the bumper cars located in front of the apartment, the second is the Pâquis and the third is the Jet d'eau. All pictures were taken from my balcony.

A Welcome Trio

My husband and I walked across the street from our apartment this morning to listen to three guys playing music on the Pâquis. Musicians have been playing there each morning between 6 and 7 am since last weekend. It is an annual event that began a few years ago and lasts for the two weeks leading up the the big week long festival here in Geneva. One guy played a guitar, another a violin (and occasionally one of a couple of stringed instruments that I don't recognize.) The third guy played the harmonica and several other things...triangle, tambourine, cymbal, etc. The boardwalk in front of our apartment, and around the part of the lake that Geneva is located, will soon look like the Texas State Fair. There are Ferris wheels and other rides being set up, and lots of tents and booths for food and gift vendors. When I look outside my window, I feel like I could be a Carney! Still, if you walk out onto the Pâquis, it is free of these temporary structures.

It is hard to describe how music, especially live music, completely soaks into each and every cell in my body. I used to assume that it was the same for everyone, but have since realized that is not true. My husband couldn't care less about music, unless it's Barry White. I don't remember a time in my life when there was not music in our house. Music can move me in or out of a feeling or mood, it can be my best friend, it can allow me to feel and express thoughts and feelings that otherwise struggle for expression. It has been a soundtrack for each and every event in my life. I simply can't imagine my life without it. The acoustic set this morning was no exception. It was peaceful...and exciting at the same time. It made me happy.

The setting was absolutely amazing! The Pâquis is a jetty that protrudes out onto the middle of the lake. As I walked out onto the jetty, the rocks were covered in hundreds, maybe even thousands of delicate cobwebs frosted with the early morning dew. It was as if someone had woven a lace covering to soften the sharp edges of the rocks. The baby ducks and swans that were hatched in early spring are over half the size of their parents, but still act like silly adolescents. They would chase each other, or race across the water all at once, and have to be rounded up and scolded. The gulls occasionally squawked while the little chickadees scurried around and made sure no one left crumbs from the coffee cake a woman was selling. The clouds rolled in yesterday, and and are still heavily covering the sky. So instead of a sunrise, there was a gradual lightening of the sky. Still, the light danced across the tiny ripples covering the lake. The closer, green-covered mountains are visible through the early morning haze and clouds, while the more distant, snow-capped mountains are more illusive today. I would say it was about 70 degrees this morning. It felt a little cooler because of the breeze across the lake and the dampness of the morning. But with a tall cup of coffee and a jacket, it was perfect!

Scott sat through most of the set, but then decided to leave for work. I stayed a little longer, enjoying the sounds, sights, smells, taste and feel of the morning. As I walked back across the street to my apartment, I was filled with wonder, peace and joy. It was a welcome trio.

Entertaining...

Well, it's over. We had the first guests over and broke in the new apartment. It went relatively well. There is always the occasional and minorly significant issues: for example, we had 8 guests and only 7 matching bowls and I forgot to get sweet relish for the potato salad. But all-in-all, it was a success. Everyone was appropriately impressed with the apartment (it IS amazing.) And the food was certainly edible, and I would say that it was good. It seemed to me that fun was had by all regardless of the single light bulbs hanging by wires in each room and the lack of decorations on the walls, and the stack of boxes in the corner that have yet to be opened. It is an odd but familiar mix of people. We are forced together by circumstance. No one really has anything in common besides those that work together, and no one seemed interested in discussing work on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. So, we made small talk, enjoyed our drinks, ate a good meal, shared cookies and brownies out on the patio overlooking the lake in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and at least half of the people there were probably wishing they were somewhere else or with someone else...but happy to be at our place because the other options are not possible today.

Shopping Trolley

Today I used my shopping trolley for the first time. For a European, this would seem like a mundane statement. However, I am not European. Normally, I just walk to the corner grocery and carry my purchases home in a couple of nylon or plastic bags that I bring to the store. If you forget a bag, you can purchase a medium sized paper bag at the counter for about .30 CHF. I carry a fold up nylon bag in my purse at all times, because you never know when you might want to stop at the store on your way home from somewhere. My sister gave it to me last time she was in Texas for a visit. I immediately put it in my purse where it has remained since. I can't tell you how many .30 CHF it has saved me! Anyway, for the last 8 days, since my container has arrived with all of my things, I have been unpacking, rearranging, decorating, etc. (I now need to find a good chiropractor in Geneva.) So my husband decides it is time to have people over now that we are moved in and sort of settled. (There is not one chandelier hung or one picture on the wall yet, and the guest shower is filled with pictures and linens.) So the big day is Sunday, and I have decided to cook gumbo since I found a jar of roux in one of my kitchen boxes. I start planning a menu...gumbo, potato salad, vegetable tray, brownies, and oh, drinks...I need some cokes, beer, tonic water....holy crap! I have to CARRY all of these groceries home! No problem, I have my shopping trolley. Guess what people, the trolley isn't even close to the size of a car trunk, or a truck bed in my former case. This is going to have to be done in stages. I have three days, so today I decided to get the potatoes, onions, cokes, tonic water and a few smaller items. Tomorrow, I am going for the beer, chicken and sausage. If I am lucky, I can manage dessert as well!

An exercise in narcissism?

When I was a couple of weeks away from the big move from Texas to Geneva, my dad suggested I create a blog so he could get my perspective on the culture and attitudes in Europe. I thought to myself, "Only a parent would be interested in my thoughts on that." A couple of weeks after I arrived here, my niece, whom I love dearly, started her own blog. She suggested that it would be therapeutic. God knows that I could use a therapeutic tool, as these first weeks in Geneva have been challenging ones. I expected rough days as a normal part of the transition, but when they arrive, they are never welcome. So, I am basically starting a journal of my adventures here and doing it as if people actually might want to read it. Narcissism at it's best!