Relationships

Relationships are really what it is all about. The rest is peripheral! When you are transplanted so far away, it becomes obvious what we take for granted. In my short stay here (5 1/2 months) I have been back to the US twice already and have two more flights booked...Thanksgiving and Christmas. On my last trip back, I booked a dinner with a dear friend and she remarked, "I see you more now than I did when you lived here." It was true. Before, I suppose I assumed that I could see her anytime. Now, I have to prioritize my time, and I realized that she is a dear friend that I would love to spend more time with. I was also reminded that relationships are complicated! Over the years I have chosen friends, developed relationships with different levels of intimacy and never had to think much about interactions with one to another...for the most part. There is always the occasional spat that leaves you wondering if you should invite 'those two people' to the same gathering. But for the most part, things go along with a little weeding here and a little watering there. Group dynamics are so....dynamic! If there is one thing that has occurred to me since I have been dropped into a new group of ladies here, it is that I don't miss junior high! That insecure need for attention and the desire to be liked by the popular people and the oversensitivity to every perceived slight is maddening. I get it. I just don't like it. I didn't like it in junior high either, but I thought it was because I wasn't very popular. Now I realize it is really because it is just useless angst. It is exhausting and almost impossible to not get caught up in. It is definitely an opportunity to practice boundaries. The relationships with families are challenging too. How do you maintain a connection with loved ones? Email, Skype, phone, Facebook, snail mail...? How about those that don't do technology? I play Scrabble with one of my sons over our i-phones. We don't send each other messages alot, which you can do, we just send each other words back and forth. My aunt doesn't get on the Internet, and won't pick up the phone when I call because the number looks funny. There are a few family members that I didn't keep in good touch with anyway, but now it just seems more obvious. I guess there was the possibility before, now there really isn't. The little ones are probably the hardest. My nephew is 7, so he and I are okay, I mean I can talk to him on Skype and he already knows me well, and loves me. But I don't get to watch his games or babysit or have him over to my house. My niece is only 1. She doesn't know me and she is growing so fast that I miss some milestone everyday. Of course, there is my husband. This was actually the relationship that I was most concerned about because it is our first time to live together. It feels mostly like a honeymoon right now. You know how they say that the first year is the hardest...well we hit a really rough spot awhile back. It is good now. I am not saying that we have ironed out everything. We will probably still be negotiating when we both have one foot in the grave. But I can safely say that after living alone for 15 years, it is nice to have a man around. You get kind of use to it.